It's not your fault
by Dedeen
Summary: One shot for S3 Episode 1. Based on Linstead spoilers. My take on what might happen.


This one shot is loosely based on juicy spoilers for S3 episode 1 that have been circling the internet. I just built an elaborate story around it to fit them together.

I don't own anything.

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The dashboard clock shows 11:45pm as Jay parks the car in a shabby street in the outskirts of Chicago. The street is mostly dark, save a small bar across the street with a neon 'open till 4am' sign. Jay approaches the bar and pulls the door open. A little bell above the door dings. A few faces turn at the sound, but most are unfazed. A feeling of melancholy pervades the ill-lighted place as many brood over the drink in their hand. Jay's eyes drift absently past the people scattered around, but he doesn't find her. He walks up to the bar and watches the bartender hurrying about, busying himself with the regulars. When he finally comes up to Jay, he asks, "What can I get you?"

"Is Bunny around?"

The bartender eyes him curiously and asks, "Who is asking?"

Jay pulls out his badge and places on the counter. "I am," he says. "So, is she here?"

"She's out back," the bartender says. "I'll go get her for you."

Jay stands up, clips his badge to his belt buckle, and says, "No need, I'll go find her." Before the bartender can protest, Jay lifts a hinged section of the counter and walks behind the bar. He pats the bartender on the back and says, "We're just going to have chat."

Jay walks through a back door to what it appears to be a storage area. In the corner he sees a small office desk covered in heaps of papers with a desktop computer emerging in the center. His eyes quickly survey the area.

"Can I help you?" Jay hears a voice ask from behind him. He already knows who is belongs to.

"Hello, Bunny."

Bunny walks past him and takes a seat in front of the computer. "What do you want?"

"Where's Erin?" He asks.

Bunny chuckles cynically. "Aren't you a cop? Isn't finding people your expertise, detective?"

Jay shakes off a sudden rush of anger. "I'm asking nicely."

Jay maintains a stoic façade, but Bunny doesn't have to look deep to know the man standing in front of her is very upset.

"I don't know where she is," she says, waiving him off.

Bunny's nonchalance has Jay's patience wearing thin, and his growing frustration is not helping. "I have a buddy in the public health department who owes me a few favors."

Bunny hears his threatening tone and meets his gaze. "I told you I don't know where she is. She came over this morning and I haven't seen her since."

"So, this buddy of mine," Jay continues and leans against the desk, facing her. "He will come and due a full inspection. Alcohol licenses, building codes, sanitation..."

With a surrendering sigh, Bunny says, "She might be at this club on Jackson." Jay looks doubtfully at her. "That's where she's scores." Bunny hesitantly adds.

Jay stands there a bit stunned. The words reverberates in his brain, _that's where she scores._ He feels worse than if he had been punched in the stomach.

"I hope for your sake nothing happens to her," Jay warns.

"Erin makes her own decisions." Bunny says matter-of-factly. "What are you to her anyways? Erin never mentioned you, not even once."

"The same can be said about you." Jay counters. "For all I know, Erin never had a mother."

Bunny feels the edge in his voice. "I already told you where she is. You can go now." When Jay doesn't move she adds cynically, "Please?"

Jay starts walking away, but turns back and says, "If anything happens to Erin, I coming after you."

Jay walks out of the bar and the cool night breeze hits his face. It's been almost two weeks since she turned in her badge. He tried calling her, emailing, and texting, but received no answer. He has even been to her apartment several times, but if she was home, she never answered. Jay just can't accept that she quit. He needs to look her in the eye and hear it from her.

He jumps into his car and drives through the streets of Chicago. Guilt has overwhelmed him in these couple of weeks. He feels incredibly responsible for letting things spiral this out of control. Losing Nadia broke something inside her. He knows he should've been there for her. He should've had her back, but he backed off and gave her the space she wanted, but didn't need. Normally, he would bury his feelings. However, Erin has an incredible hold on him that no other girl has ever had.

He pulls up to the club, and already he can hear the music booming. A line forms outside the door, but he walks right to the bouncer and shows him his badge.

"You here on business?" The bouncer asks him.

"No, personal," he says.

The bouncer lifts the rope and lets him in. He shoves past people and makes his way to the bar. He tries to get the attention of the bartender, who is at the end with a brunette. Jay drums his fingers on the counter waiting, but grows impatient and yells out, "Hey!"

The bartender looks up at him annoyed and carries on. _Enough of this_ , Jay thinks and marches up to the end of the bar and breaks into the conversation.

"Has Erin Lindsay been here today?" He asks.

The bartender looks up. "Keeping tabs on that hot piece of ass?"

This prompts a chuckle from the brunette.

Jay is in no mood to deal with this guy. He leans over the bar and quickly grabs him by the neck and smashes his face against the counter. "Has Erin Lindsay been here today?"

The bartender shrieks, starts a response, and stops.

"I can do this all night," Jay threatens, tightening his grip.

"I don't know, man," he cries.

The brunette looks horrified.

"Take a walk," Jay tells her and she quickly hurries away.

"I'm going to ask one more time," Jay begins. "Have you seen Erin?"

The bartender, whose nose is now bleeding all over the counter, slowly lifts his arm and point to the lounge area.

Jay let's go of him and walks in the direction he pointed. As soon as he approaches the lounge, two guys walk up to him. "This area is invitation only."

"I have an invitation," Jay says and flashes his badge.

The two guys look at each other and then back at him.

"I'm here to see Lindsay."

The two men hesitantly move out of his way and Jay marches into the lounge area. Immediately he sees her stumbling to the lounge bar. He watches the bartender pour her a drink and in one swift motion she gulps it down. Jay walks up and takes a seat next to her. His presence startles her.

"What are you doing here?" She mumbles.

"I could ask you the same thing," he counters.

Erin's demeanor is pale and sallow and she smells strongly of alcohol. He finds is weird that she is wearing sunglasses in this dim, murky club.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" He asks.

"There's nothing to talk about, Jay," she says curtly and takes another shot.

"Erin…" he says and reaches for her hand.

She clumsily pulls way and fixes the sunglasses on her face. "Can we not do this?"

"Do what?"

"This." She motions between them. "I can't do this. Just…go."

"Erin, this isn't you," Jay says.

"This is me, Jay." She says matter-of-factly. "This has always been me."

"No," he shakes his head. "You are more than this. What happened with Nadia—"

Erin winces. "Don't talk about Nadia."

"It was not your fault," Jay states.

Erin shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"No one blames you for her death."

Shaking her head she spits out, "She didn't die, Jay. She was murdered."

Jay watches Erin drown another shot. She's very fidgety and her legs haven't stopped bouncing since she sat down.

"C'mon, lets get out of here," Jay insists. "We can go to that little diner near your place and order that nasty waffle thing you like so much."

Erin wipes a few tears from her cheeks.

"What do you say?"

Erin signals the bartender with her empty shot glass and say, "I think you should just go."

Jay feels the anger rise in him. He can almost hear the unlocking and un-clicking of his resolve. He pulls the sunglasses off her face, revealing bloodshot and glassy hazel eyes staring back at him. "Tell me to my face that you're done with this."

Erin looks around and sees that people have begun to stare. She glares at him and says through clenched teeth. "I'm done, Jay."

Jay's heart drops. For a second time today he feels like he's been punched in the gut. "I don't know who you are, but if you ever see Lindsay again, tell her she made me a better cop."

He throws her glasses across the bar and with all the strength he can summon he walks away from her, feeling a strange burning in the back of his eyes. He jumps into his car and drives away without direction.

This is not the end.

He is not giving up on her.

He is going to fight for her life.

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Thank you for reading! Reviews are a great way to appreciate an author's work. September 30th can't come any faster!


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